how out of it?
It's time to play How Out Of It Am I? Animating event: tonight at DCA airport the place I sat down to eat at had ipads to order from. Yeah, asshole, I managed to put in my order, no problem there. But when it came time to swipe my card, I couldn't figure out where to do it. A black guy sitting next to me noticed me limply brushing my credit card against a black plastic rectangle jutting out from the bottom of the screen. "It's over there," he said, pointing to the familiar short vertical shelf sitting some nine inches to the right. "Thanks!" I said with sincere gratitude, adding explanatorily, "I was born a very long time ago." The black man was so gracious, he said, "No, it confused me at first, too."
So, How Out Of It? Born How Long Ago? The all-neurons-ablaze reader will respond: "So long ago that you gratuitously use the term 'black guy' instead of the fully descriptive 'guy' in the preceding anecdote," and will wish to read no further to flesh out the central claim. Nonetheless...
10 Things I Know Nothing Or Next To Nothing About:
10. Apps
9. Rock Bands Since 1983
8. Films and the actors within them since 1983
7. Cars (though I understand they were invented long before I donned long pants)
6. What you just said even though you were standing next to me and speaking in a perfectly clear voice
5. Zimbabwe (but don't get me started about Rhodesia!)
4. the weird hypersensitivities of college persons
3. social media
2. salty sidechicks
1. branding
"This is terrible!" I hear you saying. "How could I have admired the music of this no-account app-ignorant fool?" But judge me not, before ye read --
10 Things I Know Very Much About:
10. The Universal monster movies
9. Anne Beatts
8. things that happened in Anton Chekhov stories
7. things that happened in Redd Foxx stories
6. free-speech movement at Berkeley
5. NBC fall line-up of 1973
4. the Mary McCarthy-Lillian Hellman dust-up
3. Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill! -- line by fucking line
2. St. Clair McKelway
1. electro-mechanics, circa 1890